What I post about until I say something drastic like "I want to kill myself." That's such lame bullshit.
God I wish it didn't hurt me. But writing is the biggest part of me. What I say here and on my other blogs... it's ME.
And I just want someone to say something to me.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Responsibility
It's not easy to be responsible. It's not easy to always be your word. It's not easy for every action you take to have the best intentions.
But the word responsibility doesn't imply ease.
Accepting your role, accepting your life, accepting what you have to do in order to live your life the way you want... sounds a lot easier than it actually is.
So many people want to have a certain career, yet take little to no action to make it happen. So many people wish to have the love of their life without first taking steps to make sure they love their own life.
When you're being your word, being true to what you desire most out of life, things have a way of just falling into place.
But the word responsibility doesn't imply ease.
Accepting your role, accepting your life, accepting what you have to do in order to live your life the way you want... sounds a lot easier than it actually is.
So many people want to have a certain career, yet take little to no action to make it happen. So many people wish to have the love of their life without first taking steps to make sure they love their own life.
When you're being your word, being true to what you desire most out of life, things have a way of just falling into place.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
I know you're reading, guys
And I'm thankful for that. I'm sorry I haven't had anything that interesting to say in a while. Truth is, I'm so overwhelmed by emotions these days, it's hard to fit them here in this space. I'm filled with love I have for so many people in my life right now. I am filled with sorrow and regret for the way that my friendship with Jessamyn has changed and the way I cut off from Ben. I am nervous everyday for the unexpected, but so excited at the same time. I'm scared for some people, happy for others. For myself, I'm okay. I sense that my days here may be longer than I thought. I think I've found a place in my mind inbetween the rage and love. There lies my serenity. I'm working on a book, but doing a poor job of it. I'm about to attend a three-day education program on helping myself... I wonder if it'll prove me wrong and actually benefit me. I'm lying in my bed listening to music and typing, feeling no urge whatsoever to mutilate myself. I like who I am. Funny, because I had a breakthrough the other night while I was rather intoxicated. I realized that I am awesome, I just have to remember to be it. I can't let apathy dominate my personality. I'm better than that.
Here's to... the journey.
And last night driving through the storm, I found something to believe in.
Here's to... the journey.
And last night driving through the storm, I found something to believe in.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Copy Cat
I'm going to post ten confessions as well, because Tia did, and it sounded like something I need to do right now.
Confession #1: I don't believe in the landmark forum. I'm not excited for my upcoming weekend. I'd rather engage in shenanigans with friends or be with my wonderful boyfriend.
Confession #2: I could eat breakfast foods for the rest of my life, nothing else, and never get sick of it. Or peanut butter toast. I'm just that content with them.
Confession #3: I seldom look up words I don't know how to spell. Usually I'll find another way to say something, but every now and then there is a word I reallllllly want to use but just cannot spell. Rare. But it still happens.
Confession #4: I wish something tragic would happen to me just so I could get some attention. I've thought about seriously injuring myself or wandering to dangerous places in the middle of the night. I don't know why I have this bizarre craving.
Confession #5: I'm trying so hard not to be completely in love. I didn't want to rush into feeling that way. In fact, I wanted to be single for a long time. But here I am, in the midst of something so wonderful I can't hold back. And I hate that I can't hold back. I don't want to ruin it.
Confession #6: I'm not nearly as intelligent as I think I am.
Confession #7: I hate summer. I hate having open days with nothing to do. As much as I complain and complain about the bitchiness of school and work... I need it. I desire it. I hate going three months with no school.
Confession #8: I want to have a sexy Italian accent. That may be the only reason I'm talking Italian next semester.
Confession #9: I absolutely love to sing. I wish I could sing all the time, in front of anyone. I wish I would have the courage to ever try belting something out. I did once, in 8th grade while watching high school musical for the first time. I sang "Start of Something New." I received no reactions from my friends, so I decided that meant I was absolutely horrible.
Confession #10: I really, really want to be serenaded. In person.
Confession #1: I don't believe in the landmark forum. I'm not excited for my upcoming weekend. I'd rather engage in shenanigans with friends or be with my wonderful boyfriend.
Confession #2: I could eat breakfast foods for the rest of my life, nothing else, and never get sick of it. Or peanut butter toast. I'm just that content with them.
Confession #3: I seldom look up words I don't know how to spell. Usually I'll find another way to say something, but every now and then there is a word I reallllllly want to use but just cannot spell. Rare. But it still happens.
Confession #4: I wish something tragic would happen to me just so I could get some attention. I've thought about seriously injuring myself or wandering to dangerous places in the middle of the night. I don't know why I have this bizarre craving.
Confession #5: I'm trying so hard not to be completely in love. I didn't want to rush into feeling that way. In fact, I wanted to be single for a long time. But here I am, in the midst of something so wonderful I can't hold back. And I hate that I can't hold back. I don't want to ruin it.
Confession #6: I'm not nearly as intelligent as I think I am.
Confession #7: I hate summer. I hate having open days with nothing to do. As much as I complain and complain about the bitchiness of school and work... I need it. I desire it. I hate going three months with no school.
Confession #8: I want to have a sexy Italian accent. That may be the only reason I'm talking Italian next semester.
Confession #9: I absolutely love to sing. I wish I could sing all the time, in front of anyone. I wish I would have the courage to ever try belting something out. I did once, in 8th grade while watching high school musical for the first time. I sang "Start of Something New." I received no reactions from my friends, so I decided that meant I was absolutely horrible.
Confession #10: I really, really want to be serenaded. In person.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)