They're just feelings right?

They change. All the time and often.

Can't stop feeling them though, even when you want to.

But it's just me, and I don't matter nearly as much as I would like to.
Honestly, none of us matter nearly as much as we would like to.

So, where do you go from there?
Once you accept that you're not special, and that people never change, and that bonds will inevitably break because everyone is so in love with themselves.



Here's where I get creative, because all I can do is pretend.

I Tried

When someone asks you to save them, and you love them, you try to.
And then fight against it, because it's hard to be saved.
But how long do you keep trying? They burn you. And all you do is love them, listen to what they say, and try to help the best you can.

But it's easier to pretend your problems don't exist and act like you never asked for saving in the first place.

I'm done trying. And you don't stand a chance.

"In The Space"

With all these changes I'm making,
there is one piece of my heart breaking.

I trust myself here
In this body
Where I know who I am
And this soul
Where I know what I can be

And with every decision that's right for me,
there are endless possibilities.

I trust myself here
In this body
Where I know who I am
And this soul
Where I know what I can be

All I can do is provide love and light,
for all broken ties to mend shiny and bright.

I trust myself here
In this body
Where I know who I am
And this soul
Where I know what I can be

And I know I have to hurt some that I love,
but I hope they understand our journey's not done.

New New

I've forgotten that fantasy, and I'm free to experience something completely new.
It's been comfortable and easy and wonderful and I can't stop smiling.

mrow mrow mrow :)

New

This is different.

He's wonderful. Spending time with him is like a dream really, I lose all concept of time and become attuned to his every touch. With him, it's easy. Not one note clashes. The refrain is simple. Every moment soothing, pretty.

And he's a surprise. I wasn't expecting to feel this way but he makes me smile and feel some wonderful force pulse through me.

And he's real. He's there. He's not making excuses. He's not distant in heart.



But my heart is confused because of the fantasy I dream of.

*Smile
Dance, laughter, dance
Eyes light
Love all around
Dream
Sing, whisper, sing
Heart feels
Love all around*

Meow.

Lately my dreams have been hard to escape,
every demon is chasing me but I have no where to run.



Be My Escape - Relient K

I’ve given up on giving up slowly, I’m blending in so
You won’t even know me apart from this whole world that shares my fate
This one last bullet you mention is my one last shot at redemption
because I know to live you must give your life away
And I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I’m giving up on doing this alone now
Cause I’ve failed and I’m ready to be shown how
He’s told me the way and I’m trying to get there
And this life sentence that I’m serving
I admit that I’m every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can’t shake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made
And all I’m asking is for You to do what You can with me
But I can’t ask You to give what You already gave

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I’ve gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I’ve gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging
You to be my escape.

I fought You for so long
I should have let You in
Oh how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin
But so were You

So were You

Love With Revenge.

I cocked my gun
and blew out her brains
Kissed scarlet
and fucked the remains
Light hit the sky
and reflected in rain
A glint in her eye
made me afraid

She was alive
with barely a pulse
I shot at the heart
with love always false
I drank her in
with sudden impulse
Her blood like flames
I choked while she convulsed

There was a scream
and I became bewitched
Amused by her livelihood
and I sighed at her twitch
With every shot I fired
and every change in pitch
Her scream continued
to ring while her soul enriched

Her hand felt cold
as it pricked at my skin
And her fingers tightened
as my life line grew thin
Her irises were dark
as her pupils sparked within
I swear I heard someone laugh
at her revenge against my sin