Today I feel good.
I feel loved. Jessamyn is amazing. I adore her. I miss Sohrab, but we'll be together soon. I love him and everything he says. I get to be a pirate later. I got the best grade in discussion classes on my paper that I didn't put any real effort into. I am happy with my appearance today. My hip piercing is healing great. I got cool new shoes :P. Static electricity is not my friend because I've been shocked on 4 different surfaces but I am fine with that. Last night I had noodles and company. Tonight I see Kevin and Schneidy and that's exciting. California boys are awesome at keeping me amused. I have great new music. Lady gaga bracelet has been found. I finally get to do my laundry today. I'm going home :) I've had 2.75 energy drinks, that's probably the part that is making me write this pointless blog. The way I feel right now, makes life worth it.
I have a poem to post later, and I'll probably have more shenanigan writing.
"It's a great day to be alive, I know the sun's still shining when I close my eyes."
Friday, October 29, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Together.
I was used and abused
Set off the devil's fuse
Beaten and mistreated
My virginity was cheated
You knew death, no breath
He choked on devil's meth
Alone in danger zone
Without him there to see you grow
We've all led fucked up lives
Pretend we're normal
Dictate our children to carry on the lies
We stay in denial
But disclose secrets for the compromise
And the system continues
Whether this is our demise or our key to the skies
Doesn't really matter
Because it's how we stay together
Set off the devil's fuse
Beaten and mistreated
My virginity was cheated
You knew death, no breath
He choked on devil's meth
Alone in danger zone
Without him there to see you grow
We've all led fucked up lives
Pretend we're normal
Dictate our children to carry on the lies
We stay in denial
But disclose secrets for the compromise
And the system continues
Whether this is our demise or our key to the skies
Doesn't really matter
Because it's how we stay together
Awake the recesses of heart
I'm such a cheesy rhymer...
Centuries, I have lived
Seen the rise and fall
A world alone
Lost with failing call
Seen the healed and dead
A corpse alone
Decapitated
Seen the fake and real
A shell alone
Eyes that cannot feel
Awake the recesses of heart
Create solid ground
Awake the recesses of heart
Equate yourself found
Centuries, we have lived
Been the fall and rise
We are alone
Lost with no allies
Been the dead and healed
They are alone
In death is revealed
Been the real and fake
Mimic alone
The soul and eyes make
Awake the recesses of heart
Create solid ground
Awake the recesses of heart
Equate yourself found
Crash into nocturnal phantasm
Splintering authenticity, forgiving evil
Forget all severed fantasy
Separating synchronicity, revert primeval
Awake the recesses of heart
Create solid ground
Awake the recesses of heart
Equate yourself found
Awake the recesses of the heart
Awake the soul
Awake the recesses of the heart
Awake our souls
Centuries, I have lived
Seen the rise and fall
A world alone
Lost with failing call
Seen the healed and dead
A corpse alone
Decapitated
Seen the fake and real
A shell alone
Eyes that cannot feel
Awake the recesses of heart
Create solid ground
Awake the recesses of heart
Equate yourself found
Centuries, we have lived
Been the fall and rise
We are alone
Lost with no allies
Been the dead and healed
They are alone
In death is revealed
Been the real and fake
Mimic alone
The soul and eyes make
Awake the recesses of heart
Create solid ground
Awake the recesses of heart
Equate yourself found
Crash into nocturnal phantasm
Splintering authenticity, forgiving evil
Forget all severed fantasy
Separating synchronicity, revert primeval
Awake the recesses of heart
Create solid ground
Awake the recesses of heart
Equate yourself found
Awake the recesses of the heart
Awake the soul
Awake the recesses of the heart
Awake our souls
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
What I love about life
So this list is needed to make me start thinking more positively. Just a small list.
1) Being a woman. Yeah, that's right. Women are sexy. Women are strong. Women get to have babies. But don't get me wrong, I love to be the big spoon sometimes.
2) Suits. Barney Stinson has it right.
3) Laser tag. Such a blast, even if you have no idea what a base is or how to aim.
4) Masturbation. I'm going there. And going there and going there and uhhh ohhh. That's the stuff.
5) Making out. Nothing beats kissing. Nothing.
6) Blogs. WHAT UP! I love writing here. It's semi public and semi private. It means that people can at least try to understand me.
7) Megan Fox. She had to be on the list.
8) Taylor Momsen. My new female crush, I may want her more than Megan Fox... I can't decided. But when this girl sings in her lingerie, I go crazy.
9) NPH himself. Anything he does I love.
10) Joss Whedon. Anybody who disagrees can never talk to me again.
11) Musicals. I can't say where I'd be now if I had never seen Rent. That show changed everything for me. Actually, it really made me grow up in 8th grade, and made me start dealing with some adult themes at 13.
12) Make-up. I still want to drop out of UW Madison and go to a cosmetology school and do make-up for TV and movies or Kim Kardashian.
13) Sonny. He's always there.
14) Jessica. She's my other half.
15) Megan. I'm kind of obsessed with her haha. Though we both do things to frustrate each other, I want her approval more than anyone else's.
16) Tia. She radiates light and beauty.
17) Bimpe. She tells me like it is when I reallllly don't want to hear it.
18) Leland. He keeps me going on a daily basis here at school.
19) Sam. He's never been anything but awesome to me.
20) Jessamyn. She fucking rocks. I love this girl, and she's my best gal.
21) Sohrab. I wish there was a way to explain how happy he makes me. The highlight of my day, every day, whether or not we are together. There's just something about him.
22) Avenged Sevenfold. If you don't like them, I don't want to hear your opinion. These guys just make life more exhilarating.
23) Hair dye. Yes, I'm lame.
24) The word "awesome." It's just the best one.
25) Jawbreakers. I CAN'T STOP EATING THEM HERE! It's so bad for my teeth.
26) Writing. I'm writing a book. I hope a lot of people will like it. I hope I'll like it haha. I'm my own worst critic of course.
1) Being a woman. Yeah, that's right. Women are sexy. Women are strong. Women get to have babies. But don't get me wrong, I love to be the big spoon sometimes.
2) Suits. Barney Stinson has it right.
3) Laser tag. Such a blast, even if you have no idea what a base is or how to aim.
4) Masturbation. I'm going there. And going there and going there and uhhh ohhh. That's the stuff.
5) Making out. Nothing beats kissing. Nothing.
6) Blogs. WHAT UP! I love writing here. It's semi public and semi private. It means that people can at least try to understand me.
7) Megan Fox. She had to be on the list.
8) Taylor Momsen. My new female crush, I may want her more than Megan Fox... I can't decided. But when this girl sings in her lingerie, I go crazy.
9) NPH himself. Anything he does I love.
10) Joss Whedon. Anybody who disagrees can never talk to me again.
11) Musicals. I can't say where I'd be now if I had never seen Rent. That show changed everything for me. Actually, it really made me grow up in 8th grade, and made me start dealing with some adult themes at 13.
12) Make-up. I still want to drop out of UW Madison and go to a cosmetology school and do make-up for TV and movies or Kim Kardashian.
13) Sonny. He's always there.
14) Jessica. She's my other half.
15) Megan. I'm kind of obsessed with her haha. Though we both do things to frustrate each other, I want her approval more than anyone else's.
16) Tia. She radiates light and beauty.
17) Bimpe. She tells me like it is when I reallllly don't want to hear it.
18) Leland. He keeps me going on a daily basis here at school.
19) Sam. He's never been anything but awesome to me.
20) Jessamyn. She fucking rocks. I love this girl, and she's my best gal.
21) Sohrab. I wish there was a way to explain how happy he makes me. The highlight of my day, every day, whether or not we are together. There's just something about him.
22) Avenged Sevenfold. If you don't like them, I don't want to hear your opinion. These guys just make life more exhilarating.
23) Hair dye. Yes, I'm lame.
24) The word "awesome." It's just the best one.
25) Jawbreakers. I CAN'T STOP EATING THEM HERE! It's so bad for my teeth.
26) Writing. I'm writing a book. I hope a lot of people will like it. I hope I'll like it haha. I'm my own worst critic of course.
The most ridiculous feeling
When he texts me that goofy smiley =), my heart flutters.
And if I so happen to say something that grants me the even more special =D grin, my spirits are lifted.
He takes the world away, it's just us.
And I couldn't be happier than here with him, miles apart, giggling in response to every electronic love note.
And if I so happen to say something that grants me the even more special =D grin, my spirits are lifted.
He takes the world away, it's just us.
And I couldn't be happier than here with him, miles apart, giggling in response to every electronic love note.
I'll admit it
I'm weak. That's why I write here. That's why I believe if I ever am bothersome to anyone, they'll want to walk away from me forever.
So why should anyone care how I feel
I'm another pathetic excuse wanting reason to be real
So I'm dramatic. Leland said to me tonight that people shouldn't complain about heartbreak when they are those who are starving. My sister will be the first to tell you, I don't care about starving people.
Isn't that just disgusting? I hate just how selfish I can be.
So why should anyone care about me
I'm another pathetic morsel wanting reason for misery
I want it all to stop bothering me. I want to not need what I need. I want to not feel what I feel. Maybe this time it'll work.
So why should anyone care how I feel
I'm another pathetic excuse wanting reason to be real
So I'm dramatic. Leland said to me tonight that people shouldn't complain about heartbreak when they are those who are starving. My sister will be the first to tell you, I don't care about starving people.
Isn't that just disgusting? I hate just how selfish I can be.
So why should anyone care about me
I'm another pathetic morsel wanting reason for misery
I want it all to stop bothering me. I want to not need what I need. I want to not feel what I feel. Maybe this time it'll work.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Talk.
Talk is cheap.
It's all just semantics.
Why do you bother?
Leave me alone to panic.
Talk is cheap.
Words are just lies.
Why do you linger?
Leave me alone to die.
You know what I need?
Just one hit, just one cut,
Then I'm free.
Just one pill, just one touch,
Baby that's all that I need.
Talk is cheap.
Speech is censored.
Show me your mind,
Leave me alone answered.
Talk is cheap.
Addiction's expensive
Show me your drugs,
Leave me alone to live.
You know what I need?
Just one hit, just one cut,
Then I'm free.
Just one pill, just one touch,
Baby that's all that I need.
It's all just semantics.
Why do you bother?
Leave me alone to panic.
Talk is cheap.
Words are just lies.
Why do you linger?
Leave me alone to die.
You know what I need?
Just one hit, just one cut,
Then I'm free.
Just one pill, just one touch,
Baby that's all that I need.
Talk is cheap.
Speech is censored.
Show me your mind,
Leave me alone answered.
Talk is cheap.
Addiction's expensive
Show me your drugs,
Leave me alone to live.
You know what I need?
Just one hit, just one cut,
Then I'm free.
Just one pill, just one touch,
Baby that's all that I need.
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