Saturday, April 30, 2011
I'm here in my room as schneidy is filming me and I'm supposed to be typing. I decided I might as well use this opportunity to write a fascinating piece of art. Jk. Lolz. I don't know what to write now this is awkward I'm trying really hard not to smile as I type and I'm realizing how much I mess up and I have to use the backspace key.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
I was talking
to my friend Megan.
I asked her when was the
moment?
The right time to say those
words that can make or break.
Her response was simple.
Tell him when it feels
right.
But what if right for me
is different for him?
I'm reading this book
about people in love with the
wrong people.
Love and happiness build and
build until everything falls.
It's all smoke and mirrors,
but mirrors cannot tell
lies.
I know as I read I'm steadily
giving myself away.
I'm going to tell him,
in a moment that feels, and is,
deserving.
And I decided I'm not afraid
if I'm alone.
But I hope to gain
something that battles mythical
fairy tales.
And to hear those words,
ah, that would be magic.
I asked her when was the
moment?
The right time to say those
words that can make or break.
Her response was simple.
Tell him when it feels
right.
But what if right for me
is different for him?
I'm reading this book
about people in love with the
wrong people.
Love and happiness build and
build until everything falls.
It's all smoke and mirrors,
but mirrors cannot tell
lies.
I know as I read I'm steadily
giving myself away.
I'm going to tell him,
in a moment that feels, and is,
deserving.
And I decided I'm not afraid
if I'm alone.
But I hope to gain
something that battles mythical
fairy tales.
And to hear those words,
ah, that would be magic.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Glee shirt
Glee had an episode tonight about embracing the way you were born, even the things you don't love. They wore shirts that said their worst traits, and they learned to appreciate them or accept them in some cases.
What would my shirt say? I don't know.
Physically? I immediately think of my chest, and how I wish it was more like the girls you see in magazines. I can't really change that with diet and exercise. I think of my skin... I wish it was clear. But that's a teenage hormonal imbalance.
Mentally? Depressed at times. Insomniac. Panic disorder. Maybe a little manic in moments. But these don't haunt me as much anymore.
I think... "VAIN." That's sad.
What would my shirt say? I don't know.
Physically? I immediately think of my chest, and how I wish it was more like the girls you see in magazines. I can't really change that with diet and exercise. I think of my skin... I wish it was clear. But that's a teenage hormonal imbalance.
Mentally? Depressed at times. Insomniac. Panic disorder. Maybe a little manic in moments. But these don't haunt me as much anymore.
I think... "VAIN." That's sad.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
I refuse
to be a part of this culture that demeans love.
Games, lack of communication, what is this bullshit? What about just genuinely always looking out for another other than just being so fascinated with how they make you feel? What about getting to know someone without putting up any sort of flirtatious front? What about the natural order or things?
It's just so annoying. This... what does that text mean? Or... I'm mad at them because they haven't been paying enough attention to me. Why? Can't you just be grateful and happy to have the chance to even have that person in your life? Can't you just be willing to treat them with the utmost love and respect with expectation to be treated the same?
Everyone is so god damn selfish when it comes to "love." I fear that it no longer possesses depth. I fear it no longer means anything of value.
Exhibit A:
5 DEADLY TERMS USED BY A WOMAN
(1) FINE - this is the word women use to end an argument when she knows she is RIGHT & YOU need to SHUT UP.
(2) NOTHING - means SOMETHING & u need to be WORRIED.
(3) GO AHEAD - this is a dare, not permission, do NOT do it.
(4) WHATEVER - is a woman's way of saying SCREW YOU.
(5) THAT'S OK - she is thinking long & hard on HOW & WHEN you will pay for your mistake.
Gross.
Exhibit B:
DEAR MEN: Is it Genetically encoded in you to lie, decieve, and just generally disappoint?
Nasty.
Exhibit C:
I'm giving up love for lent.
Seriously?
I guess I'll just never understand. I was like this when I was fifteen. Fifteen and thought I knew everything. Fifteen and blind. Fifteen and clueless.
Games, lack of communication, what is this bullshit? What about just genuinely always looking out for another other than just being so fascinated with how they make you feel? What about getting to know someone without putting up any sort of flirtatious front? What about the natural order or things?
It's just so annoying. This... what does that text mean? Or... I'm mad at them because they haven't been paying enough attention to me. Why? Can't you just be grateful and happy to have the chance to even have that person in your life? Can't you just be willing to treat them with the utmost love and respect with expectation to be treated the same?
Everyone is so god damn selfish when it comes to "love." I fear that it no longer possesses depth. I fear it no longer means anything of value.
Exhibit A:
5 DEADLY TERMS USED BY A WOMAN
(1) FINE - this is the word women use to end an argument when she knows she is RIGHT & YOU need to SHUT UP.
(2) NOTHING - means SOMETHING & u need to be WORRIED.
(3) GO AHEAD - this is a dare, not permission, do NOT do it.
(4) WHATEVER - is a woman's way of saying SCREW YOU.
(5) THAT'S OK - she is thinking long & hard on HOW & WHEN you will pay for your mistake.
Gross.
Exhibit B:
DEAR MEN: Is it Genetically encoded in you to lie, decieve, and just generally disappoint?
Nasty.
Exhibit C:
I'm giving up love for lent.
Seriously?
I guess I'll just never understand. I was like this when I was fifteen. Fifteen and thought I knew everything. Fifteen and blind. Fifteen and clueless.
A few things to address
I have always been jealous of your closeness. No one else seems to come any closer. I always wanted that. I always wanted a friend like that.
But I do have that best girl friend, my sister.
And my best guy friend, my brother.
And I give myself to love more than most.
I have no reason to be jealous. I have that closeness of friendship. Although blood ties, I think that only makes it stronger, not less valid.
And you don't have that closeness in love. You can't have it when you have secrets and lies. You can think you have it. Thinking about possessing it and actually possessing it are very different.
**************************************
I would never draw you a picture
of my mind's fantasies
Though some entertain and others protect
none are real
I would never lead you to believe
in my silly stories
Though some seem vibrant and loving
they're all lies
I give you my heart and I give you the truth
You deserve that kind of love
You deserve everything
But I do have that best girl friend, my sister.
And my best guy friend, my brother.
And I give myself to love more than most.
I have no reason to be jealous. I have that closeness of friendship. Although blood ties, I think that only makes it stronger, not less valid.
And you don't have that closeness in love. You can't have it when you have secrets and lies. You can think you have it. Thinking about possessing it and actually possessing it are very different.
**************************************
I would never draw you a picture
of my mind's fantasies
Though some entertain and others protect
none are real
I would never lead you to believe
in my silly stories
Though some seem vibrant and loving
they're all lies
I give you my heart and I give you the truth
You deserve that kind of love
You deserve everything
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