Completely Honest

When other people I know tell me they want to be writers, these thoughts come to mind in this exact order...

1) That's awesome! I totally get it.
2) Does that mean they constantly criticize me?
3) Does that mean I constantly criticize them?
4) I don't know how to feel about that.


I love that so many of my friends love writing, but it makes me less and less attracted to doing so myself. It makes me feel like writing has lost it's unique touch. I feel like I can't claim it's mine because it'd take it away from somebody else.
I don't know what to be. I don't know what my "thing" is. I feel really unsure. Hell, that's probably why I haven't declared a major.

Also... I'm finally content with the idea that only like 3 people read my blog.
Because this is my feel good place.
where dreams can come true?
That's a little far.

But I like it here.

I stood up for myself...

:)

I'll try to not let that go to my head.

Music I love.

1. Coheed and Cambria. Please listen to The Light & The Glass.
2. Devics. Obsessed with their album My Beautiful Sinking Ship.
3. I Will Follow You Into The Dark by Death Cab for Cutie.
4. Alesana. On and off with them but they definitely have some decent songs.
5. Atreyu. Just started listening to their older stuff .
6. Bang Camaro. Decent sound.
7. The Pretty Reckless. LOVE.
8. Children of Bodom. I am obsessed with Hatebreeder album.
9. Kid A album by Radiohead.
10. A Day To Remember, they're pretty good from what I've heard so far.
11. Death Angel... I actually really like them. Don't make fun of me.
12. Dimmu Borgir. Love love.
13. Dispatch, so dig them.
14. Fireflight! Great, acoustics even better.
15. Firewind, pretty good.
16. Gaelle.. sometimes.
17. Garbage
18. Gogol Bordello, hell yeah.
19. I Set My Friends On Fire, okay so I love their name more than their songs, but still.
20. Infected mushroom, but the less trance stuff by them.
21. Kamelot, everytime I listen to them I feel like I'm on an adventure.
22. Kylesa, album spiral shadow
23. Lamb of God. Adore.
24. Mirah, that chick is awesome.
25. Miss May I, pretty quality stuff.
26. Napoleon XIV, hilarious.
27. Nine Inch Nails, been getting into them more and more.
28. Oranssi Pazuzu, the best psychedelic black metal.
29. Ozzy, can't go wrong there.
30. Rise against, what I've heard so far I like.
31. White Zombie/Rob Zombie, well, of course.
32. Saosin, yes yes yes
33. Sevendust. Don't judge me..
34. Slayer, classic.
35. Through The Glass by Stone Sour. Anything else by them can die.
36. Tristania, it's a bonus that the chick is hot.
37. VersaEmerge is pretty solid.
38. We Are The Fallen, the chick is hot for them too.


Obviously for me Avenged Sevenfold will always be my favorite, these are just the things I've been listening to lately..

here's a really good question...
why should I have friends that automatically assume I'm mad at someone instead of telling the truth when I can't hang out?
MAYBE... just maybe... I was being honest. MAYBE I'm not mad at anyone.
Ugh.
I have a couple friends who really care about me, who don't pick other people over me consistently. And then I have my friends who were kept me sane last year, but now they have other priorities, and I'm not one of them.
I don't need people who don't value me.

I feel this little piece of my heart that is broken. Because I let someone else chip it. They chipped my heart and ran away with a tiny sliver, and now I can never fix the little broken piece. I can't fix my heart because it's not completely whole.. It never will be again.

I don't know how to live with a damaged heart.

Myth of Me.

If no one will catch me when I jump, then I'll fix myself when I'm broken.

I thought of this phrase the other day.. when I thought about my attitude towards being heartbroken. I've changed my perspective. I don't think it can destroy me.

But this doesn't mean I'm worried about heart break right now. Actually.. I'm the opposite. I feel so secure in my relationship that I'm so happy, even though I haven't seen him since August.

Right now, more than ever, I actually rely on myself for happiness. And thank goodness. I'm finding everyday it gets easier. And I don't need surface level friendships, drugs, or alcohol. I do need music and writing, though. Ooh and design, my new obsession.

I think I'm on the right path. Life is trying to shake me up again but I won't let it. Nothing and no one can have power over me.

I'm in control.