Whenever I feel happiness, I want to die.
A moment that's so incredible I shake and turn away. I run. Why can't I just keep looking at him? Why do I need that brief pause?
Every time I feel that good, I want it to all go away. I want to end on a note of perfection rather than battling demons and losing.
Nobody wants to die a "bad" way. Nobody wants to be brutally murdered or tortured or feel so sad they starve themselves to death or whatever the case.
It's usually, old age, in my sleep, with the one I love...
When I'm happy I want to die so I never experience the sad again. I want it all to end before it gets bad.
How am I ever supposed to feel healthy? How am I ever supposed to rid myself of all that anxiety that destroys me? How am I ever supposed to allow myself to be comfortable being me, living, and wanting to live? How... can I be?
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