Even everything will never be enough.
I've realized this. My head is aching. I can't sleep. God, what I would give to just be able to sleep. I'm afraid of the dark, afraid of my dreams, afraid of night.
I'm waiting for the sun to rise, because that's when everything can be alright.
And... my heart feels that same kind of ache, just not as dominant. It's faintly pumping fear into my veins. Just now, I heard a slight noise and I'm terrified I'm going to die.
But... why am I so terrified? Once I tried to make that happen. A lot of times, I wish I could have the strength to try again. Now, it would be a way to end all this suffering I feel at 4:33 am.
Every fucking night I'm alone, it's like this. What's wrong with me?
Why can't I see the beauty in everything?
Why can't I get past the fear?
Why am I torturing myself like this?
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