Life as of... this moment.

I lack the inspiration to keep writing fiction lately because real life is plaguing me. Honestly, I think the way I was raised is beginning to affect my life in a very negative way. I have realized that I'm not very open and I'm not very forgiving. These are two traits I believe are important to possess.

I wish we lived in a world that didn't function the way ours does. That people were confident enough to be social without having to be impaired. Has anyone else in this world also thought... hey, that's kinda lame? Because I'm stepping up here and saying it is.

I think... I need to get away. I need to go somewhere secluded where I can reevaluate my life and focus on being a writer. I can't wait to go to spain. I can't wait to accomplish all that I want to do and actually feel proud of myself.

Right now, everything is pretty sucky. The past keeps reaching after me as the future isn't fulfilling me. It's hard when you have someone who knows you, knows what you need, knows what you want, and then you have someone who doesn't get it. You try and get the attention of one but when they aren't there... all you want to do is turn back to what's familiar and treats you right. Well, that's lame. That's worse than having to be impaired to be social. Having to have someone makes me feel like a failure.

Dooo dooo dooo doo.

My main goals right now:

*Drop down to a size 3 at least, size 1 if I feel it's possible, but I think my bones aren't even that small. I want to be in terrific shape, which is why I have already set up a diet and exercise plan for myself so I can feel good health wise and feel good about the way I look. About freakin' time.

*Stop saying the phrase legit, because it's stupid. Damn it, it catches on though.

*Learn how to be a good student and get good grades. Especially in Spanish, I'm so nervous for that class.

*Learn how to instruct dance!

*Stop wasting money. That's going to be the hardest one. I like buying new piercings, tattoos, clothes, etc.

*Get my book down by my sister's birthday, March 10th. I just have to.

Frarrrrr.

So I'm okay. I'm not great, I'm not even good I would say. I'm definitely not bad in any way, not even a little. I'm right on the dotted line.
I know that this is an adjustment and people change once they start a new life, it's all a matter of getting use to growing up. Problem is, I'm more into the grown up that my sister and brother are (30 and 27, respectively) rather the college kid version. College I suppose is more a time for trial and error, and I suppose I want to fast forward to the place where people actually have a clue.