Lover, Hey, Fuck You

I can see everything here with my third eye.

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When I was young I thought it'd be appropriate to leave
I believed running away from fears was always the key
But as I aged I found facing my evils and throwing up my defenses
Was much more respected than hiding behind my pretenses

The shadows were killing me, slashing my life
I knew that I couldn't give up, I had to fight
But they were too powerful, I couldn't hold my own
So something inside me started to accept the unknown

I granted night creatures the freedom to attack

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My torture has been my fault
My agony was caused by me
I don't know how to handle that.

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This evening I saw a star fall
I worried it was hurt
I didn't want to see it's pain

Curse those who took advantage
Wishing on a broken star
Who could possibly think that's sane?

The night felt endless
I stared at the dust in the sky
Where I saw that star

Shrieking silence filled the air
And I was so frightened
I hoped that it wouldn't be too far

I walked outside and followed
An illuminated path meant to be chosen
To help the universe find balance

As I approached I saw an abyss
I took a breath, it was now or never
I faced starry death in a trance

Falling forever, falling with purpose
I found that star along the way
And we fell together

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All the soarings of my mind begin in my blood. - Rainer Maria Rilke.

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I want to sing.
I want the world to hear me.
I want to project my heart.
I want the world to feel me.
I want to dance.
I want the world to join me.
I want to cry.
I want the world to comfort me.
I want to scream.
I want the world to help me.
I want to fall.
I want the world to catch me.

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This year in school some of my friends were assigned to write about what they believed in. I began to question myself - What do I believe in?

I believe in love. I believe that one day you can feel empty and the next you can feel full. I believe that no matter how many times you are betrayed, you are still cared for. I believe that sometimes all it takes is one moment with one person to make a lifetime feel worth it. I believe in love. I believe we are alive for love, that without it we'd be lost. I believe emotions cause magic, and love creates miracles. I believe that the cynics try to disprove it's existence. I believe that anyone who doesn't believe in it has yet to experience it. I believe that love is a force, love is alive.

I believe in suicide. I believe one can accept the power to decide when their life ends instead of leaving it up to the universe. I believe in controlling your misery. I believe that your body is a cage and your spirit wants to break free. I believe it's okay to do that for yourself.

I believe in the unethical. I believe in murder. I believe in rape. I believe in suffering. I believe in pain. I believe in the absurdity of life. I believe that I have to accept it all or else I'd die of sadness. I believe that I hide behind these darker beliefs to prevent showing weakness. I believe it's okay to pretend you are stronger than you actually are. I believe it's okay to believe in ugly things.

I believe in music. I believe my heart has a rhythm meant to be strummed, drummed, or sung. I believe it's okay to cry because of the honesty in your own voice. I believe singing is healing. I believe that everyone is connected through music.

I believe in writing. I believe in this blog. I believe in myself. I believe in someday reaching everyone else.