Running Thin.

I hate hurting other people. And I try my best to hurt myself to avoid it. Right now, that's what I have to do. Make sacrifices. Pretend everything is a dream. Pretend I don't cry myself to sleep. Pretend I don't have fading scars covered by a layer of fresh marks. Pretend it's so easy to be happy. Pretend I don't feel the way I feel. Pretend I don't want something different. Pretend I'm someone else.

I understand that this is necessary. I understand that I have to force myself to stop thinking that I should be allowed to do what I feel. But it doesn't make it any easier to succumb to.

I wish I could be surrounded by people who demanded as much emotion in every moment as I do. I wish someone else could just tell me that it's okay to be that way, and it's okay to only want to be with other people who live like that. I don't believe in the emotion of contentment. I don't believe in fine. I want more. And if the only emotion I'm allowed to feel without desperately changing my life is sadness, then so be it. It's better than being numb. God, I hate being numb.

I'm screaming, heart beating
just to break
And no one moves an inch
while they watch me cringe
I'm trying, giving up
all I need
And no one moves an inch
while they watch me cringe

Forget the paper,
etch these words into skin
Broken shades of maroon
to enhance lines running thin

I'm fighting, heart racing
for true love
And no one moves an inch
while they watch me cringe
I'm losing, giving up
the battle
And no one moves an inch
while they watch me cringe

Forget the paper,
etch these words into skin
Broken shades of maroon
to enhance lines running thin

I'm singing, heart crying
to be me
And no one moves an inch
while they watch me cringe

So I'll toss aside the ripped page
I tore from a forgotten notebook
And instead pick up a dull blade
Rusted with my wounded memory
I'll etch these words into my skin,
Watching maroon slip across ivory
Enhancing my life line running thin

Forget the paper,
etch these words into skin
Broken shades of maroon
to enhance lines running thin

I'm dying, giving up
all I breathe
And no one moves an inch
while they watch me cringe

Please, my life line's running thin.