Sometimes I wish

That people practiced what they preach. I have so many friends who talk of caring for others and taking care of people, yet they show hatred and prejudice towards most people. I don't understand that. Maybe I'm not supposed to. I also have friends who talk about how happy they are and how perfect their life is, yet they come crying to me about problems all the time. And I have friends who absolutely hate certain ideas but they contribute to it. I just hate the mixed signals. If I was against killing animals, I wouldn't eat meat. If I cared more about the survival of my own race, I'd be more environmental. I wouldn't SAY I am for one thing and then in PRACTICE take a different stance. I shouldn't just say friends, I should also say family. Definitely a few family members fall into this category...

I own up to my bad qualities. I own up to my good ones. I'll be honest with you about it all. I'll tell you the hypocritical things I say. I'll tell you the things I believe that I wish I didn't. But hey, it beats playing devil's advocate, being pretentious, and alienating myself from my loved ones.

And also I wish that people were more sensitive when they spoke, myself included. When I share my opinion to family, I get really personal and hurt them. A lot of my friends do this and then claim they aren't being that way at all... they don't get it. It's not about the intentions or the way they spin their own words... It's how what they say gets interpreted. It's how it comes across. Being sensitive to how you affect others doesn't mean you care what people think, it's means you care about people.

I don't know. It's 4:37 AM and I should go to bed.

I also hate it when my friends aren't open to the idea that people can create possibilities for themselves. Yes, there is a majority of people who live suffering everyday and they were born into that... But there are also those people born with that who make a change and get a better life for themselves. It IS possible. Not believing is a huge reason why people get stuck in a life like that. Honestly, I would consider staying here in Wisconsin living in the suburbs would be a tragic life for me. I KNOW that I will break for bigger and better things because I'm willing to do anything to get there... regardless of having no one to believe in me but myself. Truly, people are capable of following their dreams. It's just that.. it's not the obvious or easiest route to take. That doesn't make it unobtainable.

And yes, trying to succeed in a system that is failing is stupid when really we could change the system and it'd be much easier. However, I think there needs to be the struggle. Maybe it's the Buddhist in me speaking out but... It provides a balance. I believe in having those people who never have to shed a tear or work a day in their life, and I believe in having those people who have absolutely nothing. Spiritually, I think that's important. Yeah, that's dumb, I get it, but it makes sense to me. Yes, some things should change. Some things should be a lot better. And I do my part to try and make that happen. No, Jessica, this does not mean I will pay Sally Struthers to feed the starving children in Africa.

And one more thing I hate... this I hate more than any other quality in a person... Thinking that their beliefs and opinions are so different from anyone else', that they are way more elite in thought, that they are unique. If you're thinking a thought, someone else has thought it, too. No one is completely unique, let's face that right now. People talk like their the shit and oh I'm so different... you're not. You're really not. I've caught myself thinking before, wow I'm weird and different... Not really. There are other people who think exactly like me. I'm not so strange. Even sociopathic murderers have thoughts that have been thought before.

Yeah, I'm typing this at now 4:48 in the morning. Yeah, I'm not proof-reading it. Yeah, I probably said some ignorant, stupid things. I don't care. I'm sick of being belittled whenever I talk to people. I'm sick of having my dreams attacked. My older brother.. he does this the worst to me. I'm just sick of people talking the talk and not walking the walk.

There are a lot of reasons for posting this... and the biggest one is all about some family members... yet I get this feeling that my friends will think it is more about them. They always do with statuses and posts and then I get texts later saying "Brittany are you mad at me?" Bleh. Another thing I hate.